new frames

breaking the cycle of avoiding change, two lenses at a time.

growing up i was told that people don’t change

patterns will always repeat themselves

and some people are just fundamentally bad

i believed this for a long time

now i don’t like change

whether that’s the autism or fear of the unknown, i’m unsure

but i listen to the same albums i have since adolescence

and have to “wash, rinse, repeat” in order to feel clean after shower

because that’s how i was taught when i was a child

i’ve been wearing the same beat-up converse since my sophomore year

with the original laces that i’ve shredded from years of skateboard tricks

because i’d rather tie and safety pin the broken segments of shoelaces together

than deal with the fact that i will never be able to go back and undo my mistakes

i hold onto my little mementos

to live in a scrapbook of my past

because i’d rather perform autopsies of conversations i had years ago

picking apart every word i could’ve and should’ve said but didn’t

than admit that the best years of my life may have already passed without me noticing

aside from the time i was feeling adventurous

i’ve ordered the same pair of frames from the same website that i have used since 2018

so when i broke my adventurous frames last week

the elasticity in my brain that allowed me to order them in the first place, wanted to snap back like a rubberband,

go to Zenni Optical .com

and rebuy the $20 frames from my teenage years

because “people don’t change.”

so imagine my surprise

when i went to Zenni Optical .com

and ordered frames i’ve never worn.